The Consequence II

At first I thought of college just as simple as my previous educational levels but I was unquestionably wrong. I soon found myself unable to pick the course I am to take and enrollment is just in three days! I scanned the list of courses offered by the university attached in the result of grades and still I’m undetermined. I told my sister I’m taking up Computer Science but she opposed. I.T.? HRM? Fine arts? FTW! I even did draw lots and Computer Engineering topped it but my high school grade didn’t meet their requirement so I looked for another. I don’t even know why I focused on the engineering part! That time, my sister’s boyfriend was a Civil Engineering student; they convinced me that I can make it in that course. I was unsure but at the back of my mind it is indeed a COOL course so CE made it to my list together with the computer course I’ve originally planned. I remembered my best friend and asked what course she will take. Incidentally, she’s planning to take CE too. So that’s a plus to CE. Until enrollment came, papa accompanied me to that school. That time, I was still unsure of what to take. I’m feeling hopeless already but I’m just hiding it. At home they know I’m fully determined to take CE but I know how underprivileged I was in math! And that bothers me so much inside but I want to make mama and papa proud so I entered the COOL course. Having my bestfriend as a classmate became my harness in this journey but fate again interfered, my friend and I are in different sections! To make the long story short, I enteres Bachelor of Science in Civil Engineering with pure confidence and boast outside as I write my year and section in a class card in the first day of school and a bunch of uncertainty inside.

Today, I’m in third year and I can say I really traveled sooooo far. In that three years I thought of failing and giving up twice as I think I can make it.  A couple or two in our batch already have gone but here I am a third year regular student of this HELL course –REGULAR and still able to blog, do PhtoShop (by the way, I pursued learning PhotoShop), worship Owl City and sing with Tayor Swift but my academic performance is poor. Yes, I’m able to cope up but the sleepless nights of unfinished MATH homeworks, hardcore SURVEYING exams, topics I didn’t fully understood (but  I am ashamed to admit it) make me severely, literally crazy!!

Now I’m envious with my high school classmates who took the course that they really wanted. Be it cool or not. I can now say that the COOLest course in the world in the course that wouldn’t make you blog, PhotoShop or focus on anything unnecessary for your studies if you still have a plate to draw. The COOLest course will make you happy. It will make you feel that studying is fun and will make you want to go to school everyday. The COOLest course is the one that you really want. I regret giving away the opportunity I got on choosing the course to take. At this moment, I really, really want to go back in time and ignore my sister’s opposition about me taking Computer Science or me letting myself be fooled by the image that I will get if I entered this complicated engineering course. I’m giving up now. Another zero in this Higher Surveying exam and I am out of this course. I swear.

I don’t understand but I do. I am willing to have sleepless nights again but not like this anymore. I am willing to take the rough road but with an eagerness to make it. Not with the doubt in inside that if I fail, people will hate me. I want to feel the frustration of failing and the enthusiasm of trying again for the things that I really want to achieve not just for the sake of meeting the deadline and following a bossy group leader. I want to strive hard for the things that I really want! I know I am suffering in this course for three years already but all I did was to think about what people will say if I give up. I considered what others might think but I didn’t take into account how hard it will take for me to gain their applause. I don’t know but time really flies so fast. Now, I’m in the realization that I am really in the wrong path. This is not my journey! A mistake made three years ago is haunting me and it’s making me pay the consequences. So before any dreams are broken again, I write this.

Kid,

Please don’t be a victim. Choosing your course is indeed choosing your future already. Think about what makes you happy before considering what others might think about you. You may have what the world regards as the easiest course and people may laugh at you but if it makes you happy, in the future it will bring you to the best place you are supposed to be, far from the prejudicial stares of the public. Frustrations and dim situations may come but choose to follow your heart. Take time to comprehend about what your heart truly desires. Weigh your priorities and learn where you are good at. Do not be ashamed of your chosen course if that’s what you really want. I tell you, it is indeed 100 times harder to do things you are not really passionate about.

I hope this post or even just the thought of it reaches the people concerned. I could just wish.

The Search

I hope this post or even just the thought of it reaches the people concerned. I could just wish.

During grade school and high school days, I was part of our schools’ Journalism Club. In elementary I write editorials and in high school I was feature editor. I love to write, yes but I’m not sure if I write that well already because my classmates write far, far way better than me. However uncertain, I was determined to take up Journalism course in college. Until fate opened me the world of Digital and Multimedia Arts. That time I was eager to experience taking photos of probably just anything under the sun. I remember I used to borrow a friend’s camera phone and take photos with it as if I was a professional photographer. I was happy to gain some appreciative remarks with my works. And there I switched my path. I wanted to take up any computer course that will help me familiarize myself with the different software used in photo editing and video recording. And you’re right, I met PhotoShop. But it was too complicated for a newbie like me, fourth year high school and unfortunate not to own a desktop computer. I got frustrated and finally gave up. Knowing that a kid 5 years younger than me can use the application well added to my dissatisfaction.

Time passed and I saw myself taking entrance exams from two universities I’ve just been invited to. I was in watch of our little store when a mailman outside yelled “Letter!” at first I was “Yeah, letter. You are a mailman mister!” it was just when he mentioned my name that I paid attention. Seeing my name, numbers beside it and a college in the envelope, I knew it was the result of the exam I took weeks ago. I just realized that day how my grade went and it was pretty high to let me be included in the first day of enrollment, a privilege given to exam passers who got the highest scores. Luckily, my score got included in the bracket. I passed the other college too but paying a larger amount for the entrance exam in the second university made me decide to enter there.

Not knowing three years from that moment, I will regret what I’ve done. To be continued in The Consequence II.

January 1, 2011 1:38 am HOPEFULLY REAL FIRST EVER POST FOR abbegaill.uni.cc

Reading blogs of other people inspired me to write my own blog, too. But being the lazy head that I was, I always fail to maintain the previous blogs that I’ve created. Well, this time, with a free hosting and a free domain name, who wouldn’t be excited to blog? And ashamed not to use it well, too. J

Anyways, I want to greet you a HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope you had a wonderful time with your families as you welcome this brand new year. As of me, I am happy.  I ate ham, hotdogs and fried chicken with Mama and Xari, just the three of us ‘coz Papa and Srila May are at work (yea, during holidays!) and kuya is outside having his own “party party” with his friends. After eating, we went outside and watched the lovely fireworks sponsored by our lovely neighbors. I took photos and videos of the fireworks and I don’t know why I did that maybe because everybody else does. J While outside, I also fancied taking photos of the brightly lit simple Christmas lights and I planned on editing and posting them here and in my Tumblr. When the sky stopped showing colors and turned black again, Tita Cit approached me and asked me to join the party in their house. Although a little bit shy, I obliged. Oh, by the way, I indeed wore my owl shorts in welcoming the New Year J and then the rest is history. Paagaw ng coins, maiingay na torotot, tricycles roaming around with their engines at full speed, and the lights of a parked jeep adjacent to our house were lit which created a fantasy-inspired effect when hitting the smokes of the firecrackers. I enjoyed welcoming this New Year even though we didn’t have any lusis which I and Xari desperately asked Mama to buy for us. Wala talaga daw s’yang pera. So she bought us five-peso-worth torotots instead and we were still as jolly as the kids who had bonggang lusis. Astig talaga si Mama!

Mentioning my mom, I want to share the highlight of my New Year celebration. The three of us, just three of us again, attended the 8pm mass at the nearest chapel in our place. We were standing the whole hour ‘coz the church was so full and that the “gentlemen in the Philippines” was history. It was definitely tiring but hearing the gospel took away the pain in my feet. It was about Mama Mary and Her very important role in our salvation. Father opened the sermon by mentioning Filipino women who gained outstanding titles in their fields. He mentioned Ai-Ai De las Alas winning the Best Actress Award in the recently concluded MMFF awards and Pres. Cory Aquino being the Time Magazine’s Woman of the Year twice. Beyond all those is a title that can only be given to that only woman who took part in the conception of Jesus Christ. Mother Mary holds the greatest title in the world that any woman could have. She is the one who was chosen to bear the Son of God. She is The Woman of All Time. That lady who never failed in following what God intended her to do thus, making her Son the good follower of God as she is too. Father also said that mothers are the most essential part in the development of a child’s character. I agree. We all came from our mothers so we cannot take away the fact that a part of us will always belong to them. We are nothing without them. You stayed inside your mom’s womb for nine months and you being alive now are a proof that she didn’t bother having you innocently kicking inside her stomach. In fact, she wanted you there at the same time very excited for you to come out. As for the kids who happen to be wandering in the wrong path, we cannot put all the blame in their mothers because we are human beings created with our own well-being and self-awareness. Mothers, parents, are tools of God in taking care of His children yet we have our own part in running our lives, too.

Have I talked much already? Hindi ko napansin. J Anyways, I also want to share that controlling your tears not to fall down is an easy task when you’re at an evening mass. Many times Mama sees me wiping my eyes but thanks to “Inaantok ako.” She never noticed that I was teary-eyed by the situation of her hearing the gospel about honoring mothers which I’ve wanted her to know. Or did she just pretend to believe in my front? ‘Coz mothers indeed know best no matter how hard we hide the truth. They just know.